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Grief, Trauma and Loss: The Church’s Responsibility to the Healing Process
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dr nickol calhoun

 

Grief, Trauma and Loss: The Church’s Responsibility to the Healing Process

by Cecily Bryant

 

An afternoon service, “Grief, Trauma and Loss: The Church’s Responsibility to the Healing Process” followed the sermon and featured Moderator, Elder Deborah Hill, MSSA, LISW, Evangelist Brenda Shorts, First Lady of the Hayes Temple Church of God in Christ, Southeast SDA First Lady, Elder Alisa Hood, Panelist Jocelyn Kaye Gilleylen, Assistant Director of Program Operations for Early Learning for The Centers for Families & Children, and guest speaker, Dr. Nickol Calhoun, D.Min., Ashland Theological Seminary.

 

A licensed, independent, Board of Ohio-certified counselor who has practiced counseling and therapy for over 35 years, Elder Hill set the tone for a powerful and informative seminar by stating, “so many of us are in need of therapy and mental health care. We have professionals here to help you. There is nothing to be ashamed of. We are all struggling. There are others who are specifically trained for our problems.”

 

First Lady Elder Alisa Hood opened the program with a beautiful prayer that acknowledged a God who has endowed others with the knowledge that enables them to be of great help to those in need. Evangelist Brenda Shorts blessed the listeners with encouragement by singing a spirit-filled rendition of Pastor Donnie McClurkin’s “Stand.”

 

Jocelyn Kaye Gilleylen, or Kaye as she is better known to family and friends, shared a beautiful and transparent testimony on how she dealt with the heavy burden of personal grief in her life. Losing a mother, brother and father in very close proximity time-wise, ushered her into a dark place, but her mother prepared her in advance and at her mother’s passing Kaye prayed, “Lord, the strength that you extract from my mother--pour into me so that I’ll be able to handle whatever situation I happen to be in.”

 

In the three years that followed, Kaye fortified herself with help from a prayer partner, Christian Counseling and support group sessions. She also continued to follow the wise words of encouragement her mother left to strengthen her, “cry, go to work and surround yourself with people who love you and will help you through this journey.”

 

As a result of the struggles she faced and overcame with the Lord and professional help, Kaye listened to that still, small voice that led her, along with close friends Tracee Oglesby and Ghanna Palmer, to form Southeast Grief Support, a bereavement and grief support group open to all ages at all levels in the grief process. Initially, the group met once at month at the University Heights Library, but since Covid-19, the group now connects through Zoom meetings. For more information contact: .

 

Kaye stated that “as a church, we need to minister to those in pain.” She also gave comforting, but practical advice to those going through grief or painful situations--“It’s always good to have a bible text and a song, so that when you’re in that dark place, you play that song and minister to yourself and pray, and it eases you out of the pit you’ve fallen into. Don’t ever feel ashamed to seek help because it is very meaningful.”

 

Dr. Nickol Calhoun, the guest presenter, who has worked in ministry over 25 years and has studied grief, trauma and loss in religious and social settings, offered these thoughts on grief. “Grief is a deep sorrow. It can be brought on by death, loss, trauma, seeing trauma (vicarious grief—like seeing our black people beat down)--we can suffer grief by watching oppression.”

 

Dr. Calhoun also spoke comforting and profound thoughts concerning the time we’re living in right now. “In this season, God is calling us back to Him. We are in a sacred time.” God wants to clean you out in the quiet place, in the alone place (our personal time with Him), so he can make us all one and then make us (the church) ALL ONE. Dr. Calhoun also stated that “wholeness is what he is after.” We need to spend time with God and unpack what he is telling us to grieve.

 

Dr. Calhoun also noted that “Grief is not an excuse to be cruel. You are not allowed to spew on the people of God anymore.” If you experience a loss of self, “then you lose empathy” and you are unable to feel what the other person is feeling. You can hurt people by never touching them. He is giving us time to grieve and clean up in the house of God before we go into the next season. We are advised to “cry out until you are empty inside. He’s going to give you the real you. You have to be purified. There are tears you need to cry with God as he helps you to unpack.”

 

The healing that must take place in order to assure the church is a safe space involves prayer, alone time with God, seeking counseling, being transparent. Elder Deborah Hill summed it up very well when she stated that, “the release valve has been applied today. We know who we are because we serve a God who sits high and looks low.”

 

The sermon “Get out of the Cave” by Dr. Pamala El-Jamah and the program entitled, “Grief, Trauma and Loss: The Church’s Responsibility to the Healing Process” can be found on the Southeast SDA website at www.SE7day.org.

 

--Cecily Bryant .


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